This whole motherhood thing, this twin mom thing, this special needs parenting thing- it takes a toll. I know deep down I'm an athlete. I know I am determined and dedicated and capable. My lifestyle doesn't show it...at all.
Since Caleb was first diagnosed, I recognized my tendency to stress eat. When his behaviors started escalating, I saw the weight pile on. Instead of working out to relieve stress (like my rockstar hubby), I'd eat, and quit working out. I found comfort in escaping through food. When Caleb would pull my hair, bite me or hit me, I'd end up in the pantry looking for something to mask how I felt. Eventually, the triggers grew and I just began living in that state instead of only escaping to it.
Caleb's most recent diagnosis came with a 15lb weight gain. I was working out five days a week before it all fell apart. I was strong and capable.
It's time to get back there again. It's all mindset, really. It wasn't the diagnosis that caused me to give up, it was me. I can get back on it just as easily as I fell off if I make the decision.
Today was that day!
I've been helping a good friend with some workouts and I've joined her in those workouts a couple times now, and it lit the fire again. I'm tired of playing victim to my circumstances. This life isn't easy, but it's not getting easier- so what do I want?
I want to be able to lift Caleb in and out of the car for years down the road. I want to chase Gracie around the house and race her to the park everyday. I want to be strong and healthy!
I wrote a little boot camp for us to do at the park today while our daughters played together. It was tough, and it was perfect.
Tomorrow, I'm changing the way I think about food. I'm going back to seeing it as fuel again, a way to maintain my health, not tear it down.
Mommy's back!
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