I'm relaxing.
Ben and I watched Grace play in her soccer game (she was super bummed that she didn't score any goals, and the other team beat them pretty badly- the competitiveness comes out!), then headed for the spa and left the kids with Nana (thank you thank you!!!!) and one of Caleb's therapists. We started with an hour at the resort fitness center where we genuinely fitnessed ourselves and then promptly entered the "motion room" for a 40 minute meditation experience.
A meditation experience is bliss. It's truly 40 minutes of almost-sleep but kind of better because you recognize it as rest, unlike sleep that often feels just like "not-enough". I loved it, and I definitely got some relaxation out of those 40 minutes, breathing deeply, focusing intently on each individual part of my body and each individual breath and how they intertwined and melted together and made me better in all senses. We took a little meditation journey to a green field with a beautiful low hanging tree that produced fruit we could only imagine as a giant raz-blackberry-grape-apple and took a bite that filled our bellies with warmth and joy. All good things, all good things.
So why, I might ask, was my frolicking through that fruit filled green field interrupted by thoughts of Grace's upcoming lunch and whether she'd eat anything after refusing all options of food yesterday? And why were my breaths reminding me of Caleb's swollen nose, bruised and bumped by a collision with his wooden crib rails a week ago?
Because I'm a mom, that's why.
These rare moments of pure relaxation could seem fruitless to some, especially when attempts end with plenty of distraction. To me, it's a chance to unwind a bit, think about me a bit, remember my husband a bit more, and think. I don't always need to completely shut off my brain to feel relaxation. At times, the shut down needs to happen more for an escape than anything else. Often, I just need to have a chance to think more clearly, with more time available to connect with those thoughts and decipher which direction I really need to go.
I came out of that meditation feeling relaxed, clear, and happy. So happy that I have the chance to do this, but also happy that Caleb is making forward progress, and Grace recovered like a champ and continues to surprise me with these little pieces of her personality unfolding (competitive like mommy much?).
We just had a massage and sat in the hot tub for a while, now it's off to the sauna and steam room before heading back home, and then girl's night out with some of my twin-mom friends!
I'm a lucky, lucky lady!
On the Homefront, Grace woke up feeling completely better except for some serious hunger. She was pretty funny at the game, getting all pouty about losing. A good learning moment for the boo bear. Unfortunately, I think it was the beginning of not feeling so good again because she lost her appetite by lunch time and was complaining about a tummy aches by dinner. Hopefully this doesn't linger for long.
Caleb, on the other hand, had a completely amazing day. Maybe he just needed a break from mommy because the last two days have had much less mommy time and also much less irritability for little man. Now, I don't want to jinx anything and I know from blogging for all of 2012 that as soon as I write it on the blog, it would fall apart (whatever it was), but I just need to document that we have now gone two straight days without a meltdown!!! He had some craziness at bedtime and needed help calming down in his crib but no real meltdown!
Oh my excitement is getting a little too real. I'm feeling the need to guard myself- the pessimism is coming into play. Hope can be a dangerous drug...
Let's just say I'm cautiously excited. :)
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