All Things Haley: Journal #8 - Back Into The Swing Of Things

It's good to be getting back to life. These past few days were such a whirlwind of madness. The roller coaster of emotions was just a bit too much and I feel like I'm coming off of it with a gnarley hangover.

I woke up this morning puffy eyed and exhausted. I got more sleep last night than I have in a while, but there's something about that first long night's sleep after a rough patch that makes you feel almost catatonic. Luckily Ben let me catch a great nap after feeding Grace at 6:45am that got me past that early morning zone-out.

I'm not going to lie and say that all is back to normal and I'm feeling like myself again. Like we're all back to our old selves. Unfortunately, this hospital visit wasn't one of those that won't leave a lasting impression. His previous visits were rough but then were quickly forgotten amidst the tossed out bottles of anitbiotics. This one has a lingering taste that won't soon be leaving our humble little home on 49th.

I'm holding true to what I said last night in that I really don't want to worry too much. What I want is preparedness. What I want is some understanding and a little perspective on what this means for us, for him. Of course, I don't know if I'll get my wish. But at least I can start asking for it and hope that I am pointed in the right direction. I'll be calling the pediatrician first thing tomorrow to schedule an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I think she'll at least talk to me like I'm a human being, like what she's saying really matters.

Today was a good day. A really good day. Caleb is pretty much doing awesome in comparison to three days ago. He's happy, his cough seems to be clearing a bit, he's vibrant and ready to go. We're taking him to daycare tomorrow because there really doesn't seem to be any reason not to. That and if I miss much more work we're going to be in a very different situation than we're in right now.

Caleb didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning after going to bed around 6:30 last night. He was in serious need of some catch-up sleep and I'm not complaining! Grace woke up at the same time so Ben and I were both up feeding them together by 6:45. Then, like I said, Ben gave me the gift of the first nap (which is way better than having to stay up through groggy morning feeling to get the second nap after you've finally woken up. He loves me.) After I woke up around 9am, Ben was putting them both down for their first nap. Caleb is having some trouble getting to sleep by himself now- he was thrown off by the hospital and all of the rocking to sleep and binky usage he got there. So I picked him up after he cried for a while and rocked him down. Grace has been fighting sleep a little more than normal right now, too. I suspect it's from all of her development- she regularly starts crying and when we get in there she's sitting upright or on her hands and knees looking utterly confused.

They woke up around 10 and then played a bit before I fed them at 10:30. Ben went out and got a workout in (he actually got to lift today, which I know he was stoked about- he misses lifting now that he's deep into Insanity all day everyday) while I fed them in the play area. Grace holds her own bottle now so it's super easy to feed them together. I prop Grace up on a boppy and hold Caleb in my arms. Grace gets her bottle and goes to town with a little Mommy supervision (she tends to pull the bottle out and play leaving formula all over herself) and Caleb chills with me and takes a bottle in my lap. He's pretty easy some of the time, I stick the bottle in his mouth and he helps me hold it up. Then, of course, there's the usual pulling off and sometimes the scream fests mid-bottle. Hopefully those will become less usual soon.

Daddy came back from working out and we both fed them some peas with brown rice pureed and some pureed pears. I put some rice cereal into Caleb's peas and pears and he seemed to like that better- I'm wondering if the thickness helps him with his swallowing. Or maybe he just likes that texture better. Grace wasn't feeling the peas per usual. They both dug the pears though! Caleb has a new tendency to avoid eating for a while in the beginning of the meal but if I'm patient he'll start chowing down and won't stop! I've been using the "more" sign with him and saying it over and over and I'm fairly certain that he said "more" today after I said it about 47 times. Of course, it was just repetition of my sound but that's fantastic in my book! Maybe he's a baby genius! :)

I decided that I would take Grace to Chandler for my nephew's birthday party and leave Caleb home with Ben. He needs some time just at home after his long weekend. So we timed it with their nap and I helped clean up the kitchen, showered, and got ready for the party by 1:30 so she could fall asleep on the drive down. Caleb started passing out around 1:00 so Ben put him down first. Then Grace was acting super groggy so Ben fed her and put her in the car seat by around 1:20 where she hung out until we left at 1:30. She slept the entire drive down and woke up when we got to Nana and Papa's house and were greeted by a very loud Dozer!

Grace hung out on the floor showing off her crawling skills for about an hour before we left and headed to Brian and Nicole's house for Everett's birthday party. We got there about an hour and a half before the party started to hang out with the cousins. We needed to leave by about 5:30 so that I wouldn't mess with Grace's bedtime too much, so as soon as the party started we pretty much headed out. But Grace had a fabulous time playing with Kate yet again. They played with Little People animals and Kate was trying her best to teach Grace the alphabet. Lofty goals, Kate; I love it.

It was awesome to talk to my family about what's been going on and how confused I am. I felt a ton of support and love, which just feels so necessary right now. They're always good listeners but they also have incredibly insightful perspective to share with me and I'm so appreciative of that.

Grace fell asleep on the drive back home and woke up just before we stopped at the grocery store. She rode in the cart and had a great time trying to eat all of the groceries. We left the store at 6:30 and went straight home to start bedtime. Ben handled all of bedtime for both babies- he had put Caleb down just after 6 and then started on Grace when we got home. I put away groceries and then promptly left the room to come blog so I wouldn't distract Grace from falling asleep. She still struggled and cried quite a bit, but eventually went down a few minutes ago.

All in all it was a great day. Ben said that while we were gone, Caleb was super giggly and really interactive, even saying a few babbling type words like duh and blah. He hasn't been doing a lot of consonant sounds and has yet to make repetitive babbling sounds, but that's great progress! He still loves the sound of his singing, though, as he holds long oooooohs and aaaahs with all kinds of inflection in his voice. I love that.

Couple of points I want to journal:

1. Caleb's flirting in the hospital. He'd find a couple of doctors and nurses that he didn't hate and he would smile at them and then pull away and burrow his head in my chest with this adorable bashful thing. Then he'd peak back out and smile again at them. Swoon.

2. My baby photographer actually sent her husband to deliver our photo order to the HOSPITAL so we could get them! I showed off the extra gift that she got us (an accordian booklet of photos- so adorable) to every doctor and nurse that came in to see Caleb for the first several hours after I got it. The nurses were all over the photography so I left my photographer's card in their break room and told them to spread the word! She really is an amazing photographer, but also she's just a wonderful person. She was very concerned about Caleb. I had no idea that she actually used to be a early intervention specialist and offered to answer any questions I had! She gave me the low down on therapy home visits and state funding, etc. Fate, much?

3. Grace loves shoes. She will crawl as far as she needs to in order to get some shoes in her grasp...so she can proceed to lick them. This is a habit that must be broken. My child is not a puppy.

4. Ben cleaned the whole house, again. I'm the luckiest woman alive.

5. Did I mention I have Grave's disease? Yeah, that's all going on right now. I started anti-thyroid medication a couple of weeks ago and it makes you drowsy which is so brutal right now, especially because I have to take it in the morning. It's also no good because I have to get blood tests anytime I get a sore throat or a fever or any sort of illness symptoms- the drugs can lower my white blood cell count and cause the potential for serious stuff if I get sick. That's not so great when you have 8 month old twins in daycare, particularly my set of 8 month old twins in daycare. Let alone the added stress of everything else that's been going on. I know that I need to make my health a priority so nothing serious happens, but I need some help in figuring out just how and when to do that. I'm at a loss. Believe me, if I could prioritize sleep or exercise or relaxation, I would. I'm not even allowed to exercise right now because of the Graves. Hopefully soon I can get back on it, but I have to get my first post-treatment blood test to make sure that I'm doing better. My heart rate is much, much better! It's down to normal now, as opposed to being over 100 resting. That was a rough phase.

Ok, I'm posting some of my favorite pictures from our 7 month photo shoot below, as well as some from today! LOVE!