All Things Haley: Snapshot #23 - Just Breathe...and out-takes!

I don't particularly like that I need to remind myself to just breathe...inhale and exhale...one foot in front of the other. It's crazy times around here. It's tough, and confusing, and that persistent question of "WHY?" just won't let me go.

But there has to be a reason. There just has to. I'll find it soon, I'm sure of it.

The nanny that we were hoping on, the one who seemed to fill that void and release that "why?" for just a moment, fell through today. She texted me to let me know that she was just offered another job that was too good to pass up. Once again, I pleaded with her- offered more money, different hours, more flexibility. It just wasn't the right fit for her.

So it's not the right fit for us. We will get through this. We will find someone perfect...just not today.

The real difficulty with breathing begins when I start to think about the timing. I so, SO wanted to have a nanny secured before I left for this trip. I didn't want the daunting task of finding a caregiver for my precious children to be looming over my head, waiting for my return. I didn't want one more reason not to go. I don't want to go.

I held the babies extra long today, forcing Miss Gracie to cuddle with me just for a bit and asking Caleb to lie his head down on my shoulder again like he used to. I wanted their smell to burn into my nostrils. It's going to be a long week.

I know that there are plenty of moms out there who travel, and I'm lucky that I haven't had to at all in their first eleven months. But that just won't ease the ache like I want it to. It still hurts. Especially with the present circumstances. Too many hurdles for this mommy to jump gracefully.

I'm SO going to miss my family. And I absolutely hate, hate, hate the timing. There has to be a reason. I'll find it someday.

On a much happier note, happy eleven months babies! We took their picture today because it was too cute to pass up. Just look!