Lesson #7 Learning Caleb

Lesson 7: All babies are totally different.  I'm "lucky" in the fact that I've got living proof of that in an acute sense all day every day.  These babies are brother and sister...they're the same age...exactly.  They had the same "womb" experience as far as what I ate (or couldn't eat for the first 16 weeks) and how I lived.  They had the same delivery, etc etc.  But our babies are SO different.  I hate to say this, and I'm sure it will change a million times in the next 18 years, but we've got one pretty easy kid and one not-so-easy kid right now.  Oh yes, Caleb is our "difficult" one if you can call it that.  Both of them are really awesome babies.  They are sleeping through the night- last night Caleb slept from 11:00-7:30 and Grace slept from 11:00-8:00 (when I had to wake her up) and then Caleb went back to sleep until 10:15!!! I mean, amazing! And they are sleeping really well during the day now, as well (even if it's not in a crib and if it's using a swing or a vibrating chair, I don't care).  So when I say we have a difficult baby, take that with a grain of salt.  But in comparison with Grace, he's a handful. :)

Last night Caleb screamed that awful high pitched pain-scream for an hour and a half straight.  We tried everything yet again...this time even involved trotting through the house with him in our arms (don't worry, I absolutely got a video of that for our pleasure ten years from now!).  Finally, at 11:00 he fell asleep on my shoulder.  So at 11:30 I gave him a little more to eat, swaddled him, and put him to bed. It's the most gut wrenching cry you've ever heard.  He cries sometimes during the day, when he's uncomfortable, doesn't want to be in the stroller, wants food...what have you.  Not a horrible cry, just a letting us know he wants something cry.  This is a whole new level.  It's awful.  I'm at a loss as to what to do for him.  If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know (and thanks Nicole for the hint on the eating! He ate a bit more today, but wanted to go 4 hours in between meals instead of our usual three...it's all a learning process!).

Tonight, I decided I'd try something new.  So after the 8:30 bottle, when we'd normally try to keep things quiet and get them drowsy so they'll fall asleep out in the living room with us, I talked to him.  I held him on my lap and chatted up a storm, trying desperately to distract him from the fact that it was time for his nightly outburst.

It worked.  As soon as I'd stop talking, he'd start into his angry face that lets me know it's coming. So I'd talk some more.  Finally, I got to the place where it was past when he usually starts his crying, and he wasn't getting to angry when I'd stop talking.  So, because I needed to pump, I put him in his swing at that point hoping he'd fall asleep like he had several times before. No such luck, he started fussing about five minutes later.  He held out for another ten before totally breaking down, so I picked him up at that point and he would stop crying if I was holding him, rocking him, and singing to him.  So I just spent the last 30 minutes singing to him so he'd get drowsy in my arms.  This boy is 17 pounds and that's tiring!

So, what I'm learning about little man is that he needs distraction at night to avoid the serious meltdown.  I don't know whether that can come from other "stuff" other than mommy...I might try a few things.  But this is all bad because honestly, he needs to be asleep before 11:30 (Ben is feeding him right now, he never fell asleep, just got drowsy, and we can't wait to do a dream feed with him after he falls asleep because honestly I don't know if he will fall asleep... so this is gonna be touch and go tonight) and me talking his ear off is counter-productive to that goal.  But so is his horrific screaming, so I guess it's a wash.

Grace, on the other hand, fell asleep about an hour or 1.5 hours after the 8:30 feed, woke up around 10:45 hungry, so we fed her. Then she fussed when Ben swaddled her, but fell back asleep in his arms and is now in her crib.  Yeah, different baby.



I took the babies for a walk today to get out of the house for the first time in a week (finally feeling well enough to get out).  I was really looking forward to it, but Caleb, apparently, was not.  He cried the entire time, so I had to cut it short.  He really wasn't diggin the stroller.  As soon as I got him out, he was fine.

Another little dilemma I'm facing- I'm SO excited that the babies are sleeping longer (especially cuz I've heard that it doesn't always last forever, so I'm just enjoying it while I've got it!), but I'm struggling with waking up all the time at night anyway.  See, I understand that baby sleep cycles are different and they wake up a lot more because they go through more "light sleep" and "REM sleep" more often than adults.  Our babies are absolutely this way, and when they wake up, they often get a little crabby about it and start grunting and fussing.  When this happens, it almost always wakes me up cuz I've got the monitor in our room next to my side of the bed.  They don't go to full blown crying, because when that happens I go in and get them for their bottle. They just do this "I'm angry that I'm in my crib, I can't use my arms, and I want to get out" type fussing- that sounds like grunts.  I usually wait it out in bed, but sometimes when it sounds like it's escalating, I'll get up and get their bottles ready thinking they will start to cry.  Then, as has happened many night recently, they put themselves back to sleep (which I'm really proud of them for!). But it means that I'M not sleeping through the night when I could be.

Ben thinks we should ditch the monitor so we don't hear their "I don't really need you" fussing.  I'm uber paranoid that I won't wake up to them crying until they're in full blown scream if we don't use the monitor and just leave the doors open...at which point a) it will be harder to put them back to sleep, b) that means I will usually have to screaming babies to feed at once, which is a lot harder than feeding one at a time or feeding two calm babies at once, and c) I've made my babies scream in hunger, which is just really really sad to me. I'd rather they just get to the point that they are hungry enough to let out some whimpers or early cries, not full blown "I NEED FOOD NOW" hunger.

So am I totally crazy here? Would I hear their whimpers or early cries from down the hall?

 I just feel so worried about losing the monitor. I just don't trust myself to wake up easily with the wicked sleep debt I racked up during the first three months of their lives (and last three months of my pregnancy- up EVERY hour, ugh) What would you do?

Here are the pics:

Pretty big day in the Haley household- Caleb picked up a toy and pulled it to his mouth for the first time!!!! SO CUTE!

Mom, you're distracting me from my toy here.

Getting sleepy in the jumper