All Things Haley: What A Year #9

Touch and go...it's a bit of a motto around here. When the babies were first born, I can freely admit that it was a little touch and go there for a while. I was stressed, we were stressed. We were incredibly sleep deprived, and not at all used to it yet. We were rookies taking on a huge task of being first time parents to two lives rather than one...think of the responsibility! No opportunities to just sit and gaze at one baby, learn all about him or her, just lie there with him or her and be present. It was always a juggling act. We're so much stronger for it, and I'm glad that this is how we became parents. That doesn't change the fact that it was incredibly touch and go there for a bit.

Then came the stress of life with our twins. Two full-time working parents, two consistently sick babies, then one baby in therapy, no child care, trips out of town...all touch and go.

Then today, our little man choked for the very first time. I saw my baby boy's lips turn blue, the look in his eyes absolutely terrifying. His struggled cry was a horrific sound that I won't easily forget. He was looking to me to fix it, to help him...I hit him on the back like I have a few times before but it didn't fix the problem immediately like I'm used to. So I grabbed him, yanked him out of the high chair, held him tilted upside down and hit him harder. I hurt a cough- that first glorious cough! But then nothing. So I screamed for Ben. I hit him again. I screamed for Ben again. He came in, grabbed him, laid him across his legs like we learned ages ago in that infant CPR class on the first floor of the hospital we know too well. He hit him hard. Caleb had started to cry right before Ben hit him in the back, just like we learned to. I grabbed Ben's arm before he did it again...I think he's breathing. I looked at him, still blue lips, terror. He hit him again. Then he cried- a good cry. I looked at him again and I could see the color coming back into his face. His cries weren't muffled or sporadic. They were coming back- I heard those all-too-familiar Caleb screams of frustration and I knew we could breathe...all of us.

Touch and go.

What I can say to you tonight is that everything that we're dealing with, from the lack of child care to the therapies, the illnesses, the questions about the future...these are all miniscule to the thought of what could truly be worse. We are blessed.

Ben and I moved on from that horrific experience surprisingly easily. We started talking again about our interview with the last nanny, I continued to cut up veggie pieces (he choked on a diced peach by the way), I actually picked up the phone from the dining room table where my mom was listening in to the whole experience- I was talking to her when I noticed Caleb starting to struggle. I told her everything was fine and we talked again about the nanny. We can get past these types of traumas because our world has been a little touch and go, we're ready for the challenges. We work together, we do everything we can, we make things work and then we get ready to tackle the next challenge. This is our life, and we have so many beautiful things to be grateful for. From one touch and go moment to the next, there are amazing and wonderful things happening in this Haley household.

So, little man, I'm glad you're ok. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm proud of your strength and I'm proud of your Daddy for being a hero yet again. Now...chew your food, ok?

Oh, and keep up the good work on crawling and taking steps! Nice job today at therapy, buddy! Just take that second nap and you won't feel so cranky next time. You too, Gracie Mae! ;) xoxo